27 8 / 2011
Rejected Titles for Dick Cheney’s Memoir
So Dick Cheney wrote a book about the time he spent slapping America with his penis being Vice-President, and the title sucks. ”In My Time?” That’s the most generic, non-descript, horribly boring title for a memoir ever. Why would he title it that? Isn’t the whole thing supposed to be an unapologetic look at how sometimes he let George wear the big boy pants? So why is the title so shitty?
To help unearth this mystery, I made a few phone calls (not true; I took a really long dump, but whenever someone asks me what I was doing after I take a really long dump, I say I was making a few phone calls), and about half way through my conversation I realised: he had to go generic. Because if the title was in any way descriptive of the content, it would be too awful to put on bookshelves (and the cover picture would depict Cheney “making a few phone calls” on the Constitution). So without further ado, the ten best rejected titles for Dick Cheney’s memoir:
10. I’m Not a Richard; I’m a Dick.
9. Guess How Much Haliburton Stock I Still Own and Never Disclosed?
8. How To Shoot Someone In the Face (And Get Them to Apologize).
7. I Never Liked New Orleans Anyways.
6. This One Time, I Let Bush Do Stuff.
5. I Never Sold My Soul to Satan, Cause I Never Got One.
4. Fuck You.
3. A Douchebag’s Guide to Rigging Elections.
2. I Wanted Voldemort to Win
1. Sorry Bro, I Fucked Up Your Country
